從過去覺醒: 以身心整合的方式建構家庭關係新契機:階段一 Awakening from the Past: A Mind Body Approach to Re-Imagining the Family: Level 1

可能大多數人都有這個經驗:對家人所做的事或所說的話,我們會做出強烈又盲目的本能反應。事後又常常對自己的行為後悔不已,要不就是更堅持己見,怪罪別人!(心想如果他們把事情做對,一切不就沒事了!)

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又或我明明看到某位家人對別人總有著美好的特質,可是這個人就偏偏對我如此冷漠,貶抑,甚或公開仇視我,我不明白為什麼他們就不能對我好一點?

這些強烈的本能反應好像不知從何而來,而這些反應又發生如此之快,如此激烈,似乎無法掌控!有點像是我們情緒被劫機了,我們的理智和良知在那些時候怎麼都不能正常運作呢!

這種現象的發生有一點像我們走神了或是進入了夢境。

其實我們是的!這種「走神狀態」跟我們內在深層的渴望是息息相關的,我們的內心都渴望著愛、支持、養份、仁慈,和連結。這些渴望當然在不同文化中有著不同的表達方式,然而人類的渴求卻是超越文化藩籬並且是共通的。我們也在身體上經驗著這些渴求:在感受覺知上我們都渴望依附與連結,無論在任何年紀這些需求都是非常重要的。

其相關的程度會造成:如果童年時期我們無法在原生家庭去經驗並滿足這些人類共通的渴求時,成年後我們就會從別處尋找。表面上這個說法也許沒什麼特殊:「我

們是由我們的早年生活經驗所刻畫而成。」然而真正的議題是,當我們「無意識」地去尋求別人來滿足這些期待時,這些未滿足的童年期待,在無意識的成年生活中被表達出來時,常常是我們婚姻、家庭,甚至工作關係上困難重重的來源。指責、抱怨、失望、絕望等只是這些無意識狀態的表徵,底層我們期待著那些不知情參與我們「走神狀態」的人們能夠給我們不同的結果。

更有意思的是,我們會將這些狀況演譯在我們的伴侶、同事,或小孩身上,想像他們是我們的父母,或是孩提時代的重要人物。可以想像這種現象對我們親近的人將會是多麼困難的挑戰。

然而和這樣「走神狀態」同時存在的是我們生理上的知覺與症狀。我們的本能反應是同時發生在我們的心理和身體。思考、講理和邏輯並不能完全地幫助我們從過去的束縛中覺醒。在這些無意識的走神狀態中,我們的身體確實蘊藏了許多值得探索的有用資訊。

緊接下來四月份2021的中英双語課程將首次邀請到海文的核心導師葛萊姆老師Graemme Brown,和李文淑老師一起,期待以身心整合的方式在建構家庭關係上提供一個新的可能性。課堂中我們會開啟探索早期家庭經驗對我們現在生活的影響,以及如何應對。我們的目標並不是改變過去,而且過去也不可能改變,而是我們能改變我們與過去的關係,這是非常可行的,讓我們開始更全然豐盛的活在當下。

我們也會介紹在這個主題上幾位專家前輩的理念,包括:薩提爾、彼得烈文、海文的黃煥祥和麥基卓、尤金堅林,和約翰凱伯辛,)提供給大家有效的工具可應用在生活中以及課後的練習。

 

課程主題

1. 家庭規則的影響

* 家庭規則的兩種形式

* 轉化規則為原則

* 與我們內在制定規則的人建立友好的關係

 

2. 薩提爾的冰山模式

* 我們內在世界與外在行為的地圖

* 與自我和他人深度溝通的工具  

 

3. 情緒整理

* 安在

* 從反應到回應

 

4. 專注

* 感知的重要性

* 日常的工具

* 恢復能力的開發  

 

5. 有意識的期待

* 覺察我想要的是什麼

* 為我想要的負起責任:打開自由之門  

 

課程形式:

這是中英文的双語課程!現場有中文翻譯,學員有機會提問、互動、討論,我們也會用分組討論的方式進行小組互動學習。分組討論會提供語言的選擇,您可以選擇英文組或者是中文組。 這個互動的線上課程我們會在Zoom平台上有四次的相遇,依照您所在的地理位置將會在下列時間舉行:

太平洋時間 PT 

  • 4月9日,星期五,7-9 pm PT
  • 4月10日,星期六,7-9 pm PT
  • 4月16日,星期五,7-9 pm PT
  • 4月17日,星期六,7-9 pm PT

中國標準時間 CST 

  • 4月10日,星期六,10 am-12 pm CST
  • 4月11日,星期日,10 am-12 pm CST
  • 4月17日,星期六,10 am-12 pm CST
  • 4月18日,星期日,10 am-12 pm CST

假如您無法在現場參與課程,我們鼓勵您仍然可以報名註冊,在課後幾天我們將會通知一個效期十五天的課程錄影連結給所有註冊的學員。  建議您先下載WeChat軟體,所以您可以更方便地收到我們的課程錄影以及課程提醒   

 

課程費用:

費用包含了8小時的線上課程,15天的課程錄影回顧,以及線上技術支援: CAD$188  

 

合作夥伴 

這是一個加拿大海文和中國海文的跨國合作!感謝双方的合作我們才有機會將海文精彩的課程持續地從加拿大本土推廣到全球的平台上。      

 

技術需求: 

這個線上課程將在免費的Zoom視頻會議軟體上進行,學員可以方便地在各種裝置上使用這個軟體。您會需要一個數位裝置,(我們推薦桌上型電腦或膝上型電腦,平板裝置或是手機也可以使用,)另外必須有順暢的網路連結和聲音功能,(我們推薦使用耳機,內建或外接式麥克風,或是發聲系統也可行。)您可以點選下面的連結來測試您的裝置連線以及實用性 zoom.us/test.   請在課前15分鐘提早上線,我們將提供必須的技術支援服務。  

 

Most of us have been in situations where we have reacted strongly, ‘blindly’, to something that a loved-one has done or said. Often, we later regret our behaviour, or we reinforce our opinion that it was the other person that did the wrong thing (and if only *they* just did the right thing, all would be harmonious!)

Or perhaps I keep seeing the best in someone who is clearly indifferent, demeaning or even openly hostile to me? And I don’t understand why they can’t just treat me kindly?

Those strong reactions seem to come from nowhere and they happen so fast and with such intensity that I seem unable to control them. It’s like being hi-jacked by my emotions: My rational, sensible mind seems to be unavailable at those times.

It is almost as if we are in a trance or a dream when this is happening.

Well, we are…

This ‘trance-state’ is related to our deeply held desire for love, support, nurturing, kindness, compassion and connection. While they are certainly expressed differently across cultures, these are universal human ‘needs’ that transcend culture. We humans experience these needs in our bodies as well: the need for a ‘felt-sense’ of connection and attachment to others is vitally important for people of any age.

To the extent that we did or did not experience these needs being met in childhood, we will seek them out as adults. On the surface, there is nothing unusual about this: We are deeply shaped by our earliest life experiences. The real issue is when we *unconsciously* seek others to meet these expectations. Unmet childhood expectations, unconsciously expressed in our adult life are often the source of much difficulty in marriages, families and even work relationships. Blame, resentment, deep disappointment and despair are just some of the symptoms of us unconsciously expecting different outcomes with the people who are unwitting participants in our ‘trance.’

To make it even more ‘interesting’, we will act towards our partners, colleagues and children as if they are our parents or other important figures from our childhood. As you can imagine, this is difficult and often bewildering for those who we are close to.

Along with these ‘trance-states’ come physiological sensations and symptoms. Our reactions are happening both in our minds and bodies. Thinking, reasoning and rationalizing alone will not completely help us wake up from the impact of our past. Indeed, our bodies hold useful information about what is happening in these unconscious trances.

For the April Bilingual Online Program – our Haven Core Facilitators Graemme Brown and Wen-Shwu Lee will apply a mind-body approach to provide a new perspective on our family relationships. In this workshop, we will begin the exploration of how our early family experiences impact us in our present, daily life and what we can do about this. Our aim is to not change the past (impossible) but to change our relationship with the past (very possible!) and begin to live more fully in the present.

We’ll use the work of wise elders (including Virginia Satir, Peter Levine, Bennet Wong and Jock McKeen, Eugene Gendlin and Jon Kabat-Zinn) to create tools that you can use in your daily life, beyond the workshop itself.

 

Topics:

1. The Impact of Family Rules

  • The two types of family rules
  • Transforming rules into guidelines
  • Befriending our inner rule-maker

2. Virginia Satir’s Iceberg Model

  • A map of our internal world and external behaviour
  • A tool for deeper communication with self & others

3. Emotional Regulation

  • Grounding
  • Moving from reaction to response

4. Focusing

  • The importance of the ‘felt-sense'
  • Tools for daily life
  • Developing resilience

5. Conscious Expectations

  • Becoming aware of what I want
  • Taking responsibility for my expectations: the doorway to freedom

 

Format:  

This bilingual program is offered in Mandarin and English with live translation. Participants will have opportunities to ask questions, discuss and interact with each other. We will also use breakout rooms for smaller groups discussions. Breakout rooms will be offered with language options; you can choose an English breakout room or Mandarin breakout room.   In this interactive, online series we will meet 4 times on Zoom. Depending on where you are in the world, the sessions will take place:  

In Pacific Time:  

  • Friday, April 9, 7-9 pm PT
  • Saturday, April 10, 7-9 pm PT
  • Friday, April 16, 7-9 pm PT
  • Saturday, April 17, 7-9 pm PT

In China Standard Time:  

  • Saturday, April 10, 10am-12 pm PT
  • Sunday, April 11, 10am-12pm PT
  • Saturday, April 17, 10am-12 pm PT
  • Sunday, April 18, 10am-12 pm PT

If you are unable to join one of the sessions, we encourage you to still register. Recordings of the teaching components of each session will be accessible online for 15 days. Personal sharing in breakout rooms is not recorded and participants audio and video will never be shared without consent.    

 

Price:  

The price includes 8 hours of live programming, time-limited access to recordings, and technical support. CAD$188   

 

Partnership:

This program is a partnership between The Haven (Canada) and Haiwen (China). We are grateful of the co-sponsorship so we can continue to offer transformational programs through The Haven and internationally.  

       

Technical requirements:  

This online program will be hosted on Zoom, a video conferencing software that is free for participants and easy to use on a variety of devices. You will need to have a device (desktop computer or laptop recommended; tablet or smartphone can work too), reliable internet connection, and sound capabilities (headset recommended; built in or external microphone or speaker systems can work too). You can test your device connection and compatibility in advance here: zoom.us/test You will be invited to join the call up to 15 minutes early to receive technical support.